There is no fear in love. Perfect love casteth out fear. 1 John 4:18
Love doesn’t change, we do. We always want relationships to move forward but we only understand them backwards. Sometimes it feels like he’s either going to knock you down or knock you up and you hope the scrape doesn’t leave a scar bigger than your ego. When you find yourself twisted by the harshness of your reality, cling to the concept that everything real isn’t permanent and everything that’s permanent isn’t real. At 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 shit all of your twenties, you’re a shell of who you are destined to be. While you gather different pieces for the puzzle you call your life, you are leaving pieces of yourself in beds that you don’t own, with fathers who don’t know how to love you and with men who are more Judas than Peter. You will fall out of love like lizards from coconut trees and barrettes out of a little girl’s hair during recess – nobody tells you that though. They only talk about falling in love without ever covering the much harder falling out of it. It’s scary to think that the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, you can’t even stand in the same room with for ten minutes anymore.
You get stuck in your own head trying to recall where you went wrong. Torturing yourself with your bad decisions when you simply didn’t know any better. But Mama Hurston said it best. “Now, women forget all those things they don’t want to remember, and remember everything they don’t want to forget. The dream is the truth. Then they act and do things accordingly.” And the fairytale is the truth. The fairytales that were fed to you about some damsel in distress and her valiant savior. You were raised thinking you were helpless. You were brought up as something to conquer. You were taught to wait for a man to set you free. When will we learn that anybody willing to save you must first be willing to die for you? Sounds more like Christ than any mortal man.
Fairytales teach you that there is one starting point for happiness – your prince charming; the man who finds your shoe, who rescues you from the dragon; who kisses you and makes you rise out of your slumber. And then you meet this prince charming and you realize you’re still not happy because happiness is not one place, one man or one thing but rather a collaboration. It is beams of joy flooding through every window in your house. It is the culmination of prayers answered. It is God sitting at your kitchen table and riding in the passenger seat beside you at the same time. It is your grandmother on her knees praying for you. Happiness is a spinning globe and at any moment, you can enjoy whichever view you choose. But like there is no guarantee that you will be happy every day at seven pm, the same is true for the man you love. He does not create happiness in you. No matter how tall the castle he builds for you is, no matter how many dragons he slays, or how pretty the baby he fathers, if happiness does not seep through your pores baby girl, you will never smell it on yourself. There’s no such thing as an honest fairytale.